“As a pretty anxious first-time mother, I worried excessively about Andy attachment to his nanny. He used to reach out for his nanny when I was holding him, and, much as I was pleased that he loved her so much (and I was also thrilled with her manner, style, and ability in taking care of him) I couldn’t help but wonder if I wasn’t spending enough time with him or the right kind of time, or making the most of the time–in short, if somehow he had bonded more with her than with me.”
It happens to every working mom. No matter who you are there will come a day when your child prefers the nanny to you. It is natural that your child would prefer the nanny from time to time; if you work outside of the home, your nanny is your child’s primary caregiver for much of the day. Children crave routine, and get used one person giving them a bath, laying them down for a nap, etc.
Young children sometimes even refer to their babysitters as ‘mama’ or will cry for the sitter even while in their mother’s arms. It can, understandably, cause feelings of jealously and guilt in others. This type of bonding between child and caregiver is natural, as child psychologist Camille Lemonious explained.
“The more time you spend with a baby or child playing with them, talking with them, etc — especially playing with them — then the more attached they will become to you,” she said. “Because that is part of their love language.”
Now that you have the perfect nanny, you feel completely jealous of your nanny and worried that she’s going to somehow take your place in your kids’ hearts.
A part of it may be guilt of not being able to spend more time with the baby, It is very natural for you to feel conflicted because you want to be with your baby and not working. If your heart sinks when he cries out for the nanny and refuses to be held by you, just keep smiling, and save your tears for a private moment. Call a friend and let it out, and then come back to your child and make a second attempt to care for him. This situation can be so hurtful, that some mothers start to feel very insecure and nervous about their mothering ability. It is important to remember you are the mother at all times.
All children go through phases of affection, times when they prefer one parent over another, or another caregiver over both parents.
If you really think about it, isn’t it a good thing that your child is connecting to someone besides you? Would you prefer that your child pine for you all day and be upset Probably not. Remember, the easier it is for your child to form connections with non-family members now, the easier it will be for him to adjust to school, meet new people, and be comfortable in social situations.
And if your 3-month-old loves her so much, she must be great. Look at it as a positive sign of her competence and skill. And think of the alternative, that the baby cries at sight of nanny?
That is way worse.
Your nanny is open, loving and affectionate with your children because she genuinely cares for them and enjoys her work, not because she has any interest in replacing you as a mother figure. Both your nanny and your children are fully aware of the fact that you are the mother of your children, so try not to give in to those feelings of envy and fear. Instead, realize that your jealousy is actually a sign that you made the right choice, and that you found a nanny that your children are happy to spend time with!
Finding great nanny can be a tedious and stressful process. You have to comb through a pile of applicants, conduct several awkward job interviews, check for references, and make sure that your favorites had the right certifications just so you can find the best caregiver for your child.
Yocura helps to simplify the entire process, so that finding a good nanny isn’t such a tiresome process. Their mobile app does all the hard work for you, so that you can focus on finding the best possible applicant and caregiver for your children, so that, you can sit back and enjoy the knowledge that your children are happy and safe while you continue to earn a living.
Love isn’t finite, so the love the baby feels for the nanny isn’t subtracted from the love he feels for his mother.
“PS: When Andy turned one, he became far more capable of more complex expressions of his feelings. He showed his adoration for his nanny, while also preferring her company from time to time. He was able to make clear to me–in his actions, and later by words, that he understood who the mom was. Watching him grow up, has made me aware of how he’s capable loving two people at once, differently.”